Author: Terry Pratchett.

Illustrator: Paul Kidby.

Plot: At the end of Witches Abroad, Magrat Garlick, Nanny Ogg and Granny Weatherwax (and Greebo) left Genua bound for home, in Lancre. Lords and Ladiesbegins as they arrive back.

Magrat makes her way to Lancre Castle, where she meets King Verence II of Lancre with whom she has a definite understanding that they may want to be in a relationship. However, he surprises her by informing her that the two of them are about to be married, and that he has arranged the whole wedding, including things such as the Wedding dress, guest list, entertainment, date and time without her involvement.

Following an argument with Granny Weatherwax, Magrat moves into Lancre Castle with Verence (though not in the same room - yet) prior to the wedding, ignoring any question of scandal.

Granny discovers that there has been some sort of magic performed at a circle of stones, on the edge of Lancre. These stones contain "the love of iron", which attracts all iron to them, preventing any iron from passing through. This circle is also a gateway between the Discworld and the land of the Elves. Usually, this gateway is strong, but at certain times, known as "Circle Time", the barrier becomes less potent. Circle time is easily recognised by the arrival of crop circles in areas near to the stone circle. It is implied that if a crop circle should open inside the stone circle, the barrier would collapse.

Granny and Nanny Ogg discover that the young women practising witchcraft near the stone circle are local girls led by Diamanda[1]Tockley, and including Agnes Nitt (who will become a witch in a later story). The two elderly witches try to convince them to stop, but they are ignored and eventually, Diamanda runs through the stone circle into the Land of the Elves, followed by Granny Weatherwax.

When the two see the Elves for what they really are, they attempt to escape, but Diamanda is shot by a stone-tipped arrow. Granny picks her up and they escape into Lancre, followed by an Elf who manages to escape as well. Just as the elf is about to kill Granny, he is knocked out by Nanny Ogg who arrives just in time.

Granny and Nanny take Diamanda and the captured Elf to Lancre castle, where Granny leaves Diamanda to the nursing of Magrat. They then put the Elf in the castle dungeon, surrounded by iron, since Elves hate the touch of iron as it limits their power.

Shawn Ogg, guard, privy cleaner, fanfare blower and general (or Private) dogsbody of Lancre castle is given the task of keeping the Elf locked up and Diamanda safe from the Elves, whilst the guests to the wedding of Magrat and Verence go to see the Entertainment (a play), which is unexpectedly staged near the stone circle. The three Witches are not at the Entertainment for different reasons; Magrat does not go because she has found a letter in Verence's bedroom which angers her (the details of the letter are not disclosed at this point), Granny does not go because she has been whisked away from the Castle in a moment of passion by Mustrum Ridcully, Archchancellor of Unseen university who is a guest at the wedding (he has brought the Librarian, Ponder Stibbons and The Bursar along as well) and who was a former love interest for Granny in their (much) younger days and Nanny has been taken out to dinner by Casanunda (whom she first met during Witches Abroad).

The play causes sufficient belief that the barrier in the stone circle is broken and the Elves come through. Using a kind of hypnosis, they coerce the Lancrastrians to pull down the stone circle and take control of Verence, whom the Queen of the Elves intends to marry in order to make her rule of Lancre official. Magrat, having escaped from the Castle (where she was chased by the Elf after it was released by the hypnotised Diamanda Tockley) arrives in a suit of armour belonging to a previous Queen of Lancre called Ynci (the Short-Tempered). She attacks the Elf Queen, but is beaten. Granny, who has been captured by the Elves attacks the Queen with magic, but it seems to overcome her and she collapses to the ground, whereon her bees swarm from their hive and land on the prone body.

Since the Queen's attention is taken up by Granny Weatherwax, her hold on Magrat is lessened. The young Queen-to-be attacks the Elf Queen and, with help from the Elf Queen's real husband (who was called on to help by Nanny Ogg and Casanunda) the Elf Queen is defeated and the Elves vanish back to their land.

Granny Weatherwax appears to be dead and the two remaining witches go to her cottage to look around and read her will. However, they find a note, left by Granny, which indicates that she may, in fact, still be alive. They rush back to the Castle and break a window, upon which Grannys' bees land on her again. It transpires that she has been "borrowing" the hive mind of the bees to escape the Elf Queen and give Magrat her chance to defeat her. Granny is the first witch to successfully "borrow" the hive mind, since this involves splitting your mind over dozens of bees (as opposed to borrowing the single mind of other animals).

Magrat and Verence are married (despite the letter, which was written by Granny whilst the three witches were away, urging him to organise the marriage to Magrat, so as to stop her from getting in the way of her own life). Later, the playwright, Hwel arrives and writes a play based on the story (ignoring the parts that were too expensive to put on a stage, or which he didn't believe). He called the play the "Taming of the Vole", since he didn't think anyone would want to see a play called "Things that happened on a midsummer night".

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